Saturday, September 29, 2007
Traffic...
okay so this isnt one of those traffic-woes post or anything...what i'm referring to here is the traffic in my mind...where there's this jam...like a bottleneck of ideas and things i wanna say to people..things i want to tell myself..things that've just popped up in my head..and are waiting to rush out like a ripe volcano..
funny when..i should be working on my assignment..which..mind you..isn't all that easy..but these little thoughts..they're like kids with knives in their hands..throbbing and nudging me from the inside..okay..out they come!
Well i just realised, you dont always get what you want...erm..everyone knows that..but when you want something real bad..and it still refuses to get to you..it kills. I'd rather have myself severed by a shark.
Its funny how i'm thinking about Mom all of a sudden. i just made tea for her and she gave me a tight hug..said thankyou..well she really meant it..and just a couple of days back..i bitched about her on my previous post..but then again, life's like that yea?
i cant believe i forgot it's my friend's birthday today..the same friend..who about a couple of years back gave me my ticket to a differnt kind of life altogether...the kind with surprise visits and booze parties and skewed guy to girl ratios. Ah well, Happy Birthday sweetcheeks =D
"Fine" i tell my head, its time to get back to PR alright. Expect another coming soon, the volcano's still awake..took a lil breather that's all.
Till then....:)
No one knew...
...when she cried
when the bud of innocence was so blatantly plucked...trampled to nothingness..did she weep herself to bed? oh yes she did..did she complain? did anybody even care to hear her out? left alone to grow in her misery...a feeling of abandonment amongst people she called "her own"...she cried..oh yes she did...
No one to placate her sorrow..no one to confide in..no one to mollify the pain..she lay on her bed...a feeling of worthlesness...a looming heart...and then she cried...
"why me" she asked..looking up to the chipping ceiling of her room...the room that knew everything that happened within its walls...the room that provided her solace...but also reminded her of those tumultuous nights...the nights she wept silently in her bed...while someone was sporting and evil grin...lust in his eyes...no feeling of guilt...and she cried...
does she deserve this? was she hand-picked by Him to suffer like this? where did she go wrong...she was only 13...girlie-chatting over the phone..blushing at the sight of boys she considered "cute"...mall-crashing...sleepovers every weekend...and then...she was back at home...back to her share of desolation...a melancholy tune she hummed...
And then...shutting her moist eyes..withdrawing herself from this wretchedness...she silently cried.
Some statistics:
http://www.jimhopper.com/abstats/
Songs written on sexual abuse...my personal favorites..
Anna Lee by Dream Theater
Bringer of Torture, by Kreator
Daddy's Girl, by Scorpions
Dont let Daddy Kiss me, by Motorhead
Tier by Rammstein
Long way to Happy, by Pink
Family Tree, by Megadeth
Friday, September 28, 2007
Am I ?
Where do I even start?! it's everywhere, pretty much like that annoying virus that's been popping up on everyone's IM screens off late.
Just the other day, i was in my college bus, travelling back from Dubai, squabbling over things like what radio station to play and which gas station to syop at. There's this girl, wouldn't mention her name here, immoral racist remarks will follow due to my utter hatred towards her (yes, i dont like her too much). She's literally singing away to glory in her mother tongue, which, mind you, i took no offence to. And she continues singing. Next thing i know, this semi-stud walks into the bus. He's of a different ethnicity. She adores him secretly. Very conveniently, she defenstrates the song, and all of a sudden, starts cussing the language!
Too much to take, i give her my usual cold stare, boy she gets pised or what! and HOW! she tells me to mind my own "business", majority of which would include giving here the "stare" anyway!
Yeah, i know i'm coming across as this total b***h to most. but hey, lets get to the point already. Where'd all the love for your mother tongue go, out of the window at the sight of a man! Just a while ago, she was fighting with the driver to keep a particular radio station on, because it was in her language, and proudly she danced away to its tunes. The next thing i see, she's yelling at the driver for tuning onto "such cheap radio stations"!
And i'm like OKAY. Time to give her a piece of my mind. I walk upto her, manage to find myself a seat beside her (God help me calm my fury!) and talk. Yeah, no shouting, no abusing. I talk to her, ask her what really happened a lil while ago.
Out came words that hit me like a truck doing a 200! She's embarassed of being (her ethnicity)!! EMBARASSED?! Is there a need to be? Like who even decided what cultures are "happening" and which ones are "outdated"! All the hatred (very strong word, lighten it a lil) that i had for her broke into little bits and shot out at her like flying daggers. After getting myself back together, i told her to think about what she just said. She was upset too, and for a moment i actually empathized with her. However, moments gone, and i'm back to my b***hy self. And then, i think. Why do we have to be embarassed. Drat, the world cannot judge who's staying and who's going! Whack, on her head, and off i went, to preach to the rest of the bus. People actually agreed with me on many points, but couldn't get to nod heads with me on the fact that we were god enough, if not better, than our Western folks! This level of inferiority complex freaked me out. It's like inbuilt in our sysytems now, this feeling of lowness and hopelessness. It kills to know how many people feel like that. I've heard people saying things like "i wish i was white". Who even made them superior to us? We must not forget, that our culture and heritage is rooted way stronger than these melanin-less droids who want to take over the world.
It's really funny and scary at the same time, how people associate being WHITE to intelligence and superiority. This is a link to how wrong we actually got them!http://www.romankoch.ch/lachhaft/stupidamericans.htm
Just before i end it here, I want to make something clear. This isn't a ptriotic site or Anti-White at all! It's just sort of a motivational feed to all who think we're inferior in any way!
Come on now, wear your Pride Cape and kick some @$$ =D
Thursday, September 27, 2007
living?
yeah..so we're living alright. REALLY ? i mean..is this what you call living? i was like shipped back to this dreary desert all the way from India in the peak of my teenage years..not cool..n then...i'm treated like i'm in school..fuck even worse! we're transported to "college" everyday in a damn bus...just that we dont have fixed seats..thats a wonder.
and then coming back home is a different story...you get back all sick and tired from the humiliatingly long journey..till you find out that you're not done as yet. sit with mom, tell her what happened at college, go through embarassing and freaky(sometimes) cell-check sessions...and what more..get interrogated on every SMS!
parallel phone lines, balance limits, funny stares at the sound of anything masculine..well life's just beginning to roll ainit?
ah well, if that's what life is, i'm sure as hell living it to the fullest! but seriously, do i not have the right to demand a better one! what makes folks think they own us? well they did give birth to us, but hey, we never asked them to! it was just a moment of sheer passion and emotion that led to this accident they named "melissa" :S
and yeah..i totally forgot to mention the "our generation" bull! parents somehow, froze into the same time period and fail to undertand that we've moved on! one thing i always hear from my mom, its almost a greeting in my house (much to the likes of "good morning")...it goes this way " we never demanded for cellphones and laptops when we were your age" ah someone remind them, they were deprived of such technological advancementts in their so-called "generation" !!
now i'm starting to realise, maybe i do have a bit of life not sucked out of me as yet :P
okay, im beginning to get irritated with my own constant whines and grief. So i'm gonna stop here and tell me how your lives are any different from mine!
Just for kicks though, i'd like to debate on it! for now, i shall go back to what i was doing earlier, listening to Dido... one of the few pleasures i treat myself to =D
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
RE-START
Oh well, i'm back.
Not that i went anywhere..or decided to hermit-ify myself, but you know how it is. Had a blog runing for almost 2 years when suddenly one day, i thought of taking a little break...and HOW! i delete my account from blogspot, get back to reading books and trying to figure out what's happening within the pink walls of my classroom( serious!) and after a few months i forget to get another account. yes, you're wondering why i'd do something as stupid as that, as a matter of fact, i'm thinking pretty much in the same line *hi fi*
so yeah, blogs gone. And then happens the mother of all screw-ups. format my pc and whoosh..everyting's gone! like it never existed. And they say the computer is safe? and that it is more reliable than the brain? i think NOT!
so i shall get back to my not-so-regular but worthy updates soon enough, get my blogs rolling and await comments from my fellow-bloggers.
till then...=)
Not that i went anywhere..or decided to hermit-ify myself, but you know how it is. Had a blog runing for almost 2 years when suddenly one day, i thought of taking a little break...and HOW! i delete my account from blogspot, get back to reading books and trying to figure out what's happening within the pink walls of my classroom( serious!) and after a few months i forget to get another account. yes, you're wondering why i'd do something as stupid as that, as a matter of fact, i'm thinking pretty much in the same line *hi fi*
so yeah, blogs gone. And then happens the mother of all screw-ups. format my pc and whoosh..everyting's gone! like it never existed. And they say the computer is safe? and that it is more reliable than the brain? i think NOT!
so i shall get back to my not-so-regular but worthy updates soon enough, get my blogs rolling and await comments from my fellow-bloggers.
till then...=)
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