Dammit.

He's stubborn.





>.<


[i still love you]

Joy :)

Okay so this is not one of those whiny sarcastic negative posts..I've realised that people often use blogs to bitch about things..with the exception of Meenal of course, whos blog is always a pleasure to read. [we have a baby now..he's called Chingoo and he's adorable :D]
So coming back to what i really want to say..Im in love! oh yeah...truly. Finally. Totally. Madly :D This must sound weird to many who know me personally, but guys..im not kidding! Aakanksha is proof :)
Im done with Magazine and Radio...got a decent break from college...shopped like a maniac..been doing things like its the end of the world..life's pretty much on a roll these days!
Bouncing back to romance..hehe funny, i enjoy the ping-pong writing technique...some insane kick! Yeah, so the guy's awesome..he's funny! he loves Mountain Dew and Red Bull...lovvvess the Sopranos...he thinks he's part of it..he's "weirdly spontaneous", makes me laugh all the time..is a good kisser..loves babies...is wild...[read horny]...is responsible...thinks im special..has awesome hair..the best hair actually!!...loves Delhi...more than me sometimes :P...he's a crazy fan of Mafia movies...is a sucker for Carrie Underwood and Indian Classical Music..is partly stoned by birth...sings very cutely...dances like no one's watching...gives superb lap dances :P...loves Matafee from KFC...sends me the cutest offlines...comes all the way to Abu Dhabi..and then goes back :(...has friends from almost every part of the earth...is learning Italian...is super cute...has tiny little eyes...that twinkle when i say "i love you" :D....
But what i like about him the most is...He's truly insanely completely in love with me...ask me how i know??

I can tell =D

Story of my Life

The following post has been written by a certain Ms.Annie. I can completely empathize with her. Seriously, no one could have put it in better words. our identities are at stake here. Please go ahead and read it if you ever had any doubt/concern/shock/disgust over my identity and stance.

Kudos!

http://www.anniezaidi.com/2007/10/brief-contextual-history-of-blogger-in.html

Telepathy.

A friend and I always spoke about how we were affected by telepathy and how it played it's dirty little tricks on us.From colour co-ordinated clothes to picking the same advertising agency for an assignment, its occurences are endless.

Telepathy happens with those who you're close to right? Funny then, how this one song i heard a while back by the Plain White T's [they're not emo fags!] sang out to me what i was thinking inside my head. His voice almost came through me and back into my ears as i heard the song on Repeat.

Songs can speak volumes, or so they say. I always said this to sound musically-inclined, and try and start a conversation or two with random people in malls or public buses. Never thought a song could reinforce this idea and take it to a totally different level, on where these songs actually flow in your veins, grow on your head, or whatever that is still part of our oddly disfunctional selves.

Some sort of weird telepathy,[a freak co-incidence] I'd convince myself that this song was written for me/through me/by me, even. So here...

"A Lonely September"

I'm sittin' here all by myself
just tryin' to think of something to do
Tryin' to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out
'cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
will just kill me if I'm on my own

I know it's not the smartest thing to do
we just can't seem to get it right
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight
One more chance tonight

I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won't you take my hand
we've got nothing left to prove

And I didn't mean to meet you then
we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills
the way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did
Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did


*sigh*

Confucius Says..

Man who drop watch in toilet...


Bound to have shitty time ^^




*dies*

Another crapper...

The Eid break's going good for me..till now atleast. I've been shopping till i drop (literally...i tripped over an out-of-place-brick :$)
Driving to the mall and back gives me a diferent kind of high altogether. No more do i have to be on the mercy of others, wait for Mom to get back from work, or for Dad to get into the "right mood". I can drive...WHENEVER i wanna! *bounces up and down*

SO yeah...I'm satisfied, I've shopped, and now i'm gonna go have dinner. Does life get any more perfect than this? It's like i'm living in a castle made of glass..i can see everyting around me, but no one dare come any closer!

Well, back to assignments now :S *shattering glass noise*

badluckability

So eid's here..i have nothing to wear..nowhere to go..nothing to do..does that sound normal?
or is it just me..finding ways and means to withdraw myself from this shit hole that people like calling WORLD...
why am i never happy with the system of things?! like i wish i was someplace else...doing somethng different..meeting new people..making "good use" of my life (Quote Dr.Feroze :P)
how about wishing i didn't exist for sometime...just make a quiet exit..watch the people i know and supposedly care about fading away in the distance...NO i'm not talking of death here..that isn't my department..i'm talking of playing "disappear" for a while...see what my world looks like without me in it...you know..watch as a "third party".
That'd be interesting...really...

*pinches myself*
wake up already

Far away...

You've left me alone
You've gone too far
It isn't the distance
Life just lowered it's bar

Silly conversations we had
that bore no results
your sweet nonsensical rantings
and your try at insults

I miss those talks
about climate and food
when you'd compare your city
to my humble hood

Your child-like voice still lingers
at the back of my longing mind
sometimes i sit up all night
memories are all that i find

Sweet nothings scribbled on post-its
your perfume always made my day
it kills now, to think about
how far you've gone away...

Chatting up a cabbie...

Yeah I'm still going around in cabs, the license hasn't taken all my modesty away. Well,I hopped into one today, and an old Santa-only-thinner-looking cabbie happened to look at me through the rear-view mirror. Not the sort to entertain such glances, i looked away, pretending nothing happened.
There was something very fatherly...rather Grandfatherly about him though, i then realised. So i gave him my standard you-can-talk-to-me-now look and managed a half-smile.
He guessed by my attire that i was Pakistani (yeah a Salwar I sported..as per my Instructor's instructions, a sure way to lure the examiners and pass the test, he believes). This green-signalled our 15minute long conversation which got me nose-diving into the inner workings of a mere Pathan.
I didn't hesitate when he asked me if I had a brother, realising it was only a healthy discussion, and convincing myself that no Musalman would act funny during Ramzan.
His face then turned from I'm-sick-of-driving to You-don't-have-a-brother?! in less than a minute. Said Pathans don't stop at just daughters, they NEED a son. That startled me! NEED a son? For what? So he leaves home when he's 21 and forgets about his folks once he gets a wife? Son's are no different from daughters for crying out loud!
We then moved on to a rather hot debate on why the discrimination still exists in many narrow minds. Old folks prefer sons so they can carry their name forward. I think that's just bullshytte! What for carying names forward, when they're not gonna look after you when you're alive! Now, i'm not discriminating against sons, they're not bad at all. But what bothers me, is the problem they have with daughters.
We're not dying to get married and leave the house y'know. This society's so hypocritical! They send us away..and then blame us for going away! What the fuck?!
Children, whatever sex, are all equal, someone tell him that! He had a point though, the village he lived in is very critical and look down at you if you don't have a son. So 'try till you succeed' it is!
Thank heavens for the small-ness of Abu Dhabi, I was at my destination before this got out of hand!
Ah well, i shall stop ranting about sons and daughters here. My peeps love me, and that's all I care about!
Not wanting to sound mean or ignorant...i'm going to leave this debate to you guys. Feel free to comment and share your thoughts!
If you got nothing to say...try amusing yourself with the red and white Xmark at the top of this page to the right :P

Vr00m !

Would you choose water over wine,hold the wheel and drive?

Everyone knows this song..most love it too. Drive by Incubus =D

Well i just got my driver's license today and i'm so thrilled it's not even funny!
The streets of the world will now be mine to conquer. The autobahns shall bow down in front of me. The expressways shall lay me a red carpet and the mere roads of Abu Dhabi shall be my worthy host everyday *victorious smirk*

Life's going to be different know. Atleast i'm hoping it will. No cab-hunting. No waiting for Dad to pick me up from yada yada.

It's driven me before and it seems to be the way
that everyone else gets around.
But lately I'm beginning to find that when
I drive myself my light is found.

Yeah baby i've got it! And i'm excited as hell. w00t!
Now just get me a car someone...



Meh.

Fall to pieces...

Rise, oh desolate one.
Bow to the morning breeze
Look beyond your worries,
Your sorrows are at ease.

You're not alone,
there's a voice within
That's waiting to scream out
Close your eyes and Listen.

Just when it finds
A breach to vent
A ray of light it sees.
Your shoulders are bent.

You close yourself
You say "not now"
Afraid to hear
What it has to bestow.

Your soul, it shatters
the silence ceases
And before you realise
You're falling to pieces.

Just how screwed are we?

LOL! yesterday was a realy weird funny day...haha im cracking up at the thought of it..just that it freaked me out completely while it was actually happening!
My friend and me decided to go smoke since we had a free hour..we know its ramzan and the religious police is on the prowl..so we find this isolatd spot..look around for a good 10 minutes..and then light up...

Everything's going okay..the ciggie's almost done with..shoot! the secy pops up! from nowhere..it was so weird...i thought he's going to see our ID's...give us a lecturette and leave..but no! he took our ID's..told us to collect it after "30 minutes" and walked away..well ofcourse i was a little rude to him...completely my fault and i apologize for it!

Well, he's back after some time...and god knows how we spent that time..in misery and doubt and fear and what not (with occasional bouts of laughter ofcourse!)..lol barring the Strawberry Granitas..those were awesome!
he's back alright...we go up to him to say sorry..just to not fall into trouble y'know..and he says "take your bags the BOLIZ is here" OUCH !!! that hit us like a cannon ball on our stomachs! the POLICE?!! wtf!!

What followed next was a good 20 minutes of pleading, aplogozing and controlling laughter! some things just slipped outta me mind when i was talking to him..especially when i told him to "not lie" when he wrongly accused us of smoking regulary! the nudge i got from my fellow juvey was enough to shut me up!
i came up with weird excuses to not go with the polic..lamest being " i cant come now i have Radio class" i mean WTF was i thinking!!!

Oh well..a good ending to that weirdass day was that we dint finally get caught...*phew*..thanks a lot to Apoorva(from New Delhi..oh how i like the sound of that!) and Orange TShirt boy!! without you guys and your spontaneuous procrastination (oh did we really "just arrive" from India..and are our parents "Really really poor"?)..i wouldn't have been entering this post now! probably be breaking stones in jail :S

Anyhoo, day's passed. We've decided to not smoke again for some time now :P and be good MAHE girls!

Cheers to that :D :P

Traffic...

okay so this isnt one of those traffic-woes post or anything...what i'm referring to here is the traffic in my mind...where there's this jam...like a bottleneck of ideas and things i wanna say to people..things i want to tell myself..things that've just popped up in my head..and are waiting to rush out like a ripe volcano..

funny when..i should be working on my assignment..which..mind you..isn't all that easy..but these little thoughts..they're like kids with knives in their hands..throbbing and nudging me from the inside..okay..out they come!

Well i just realised, you dont always get what you want...erm..everyone knows that..but when you want something real bad..and it still refuses to get to you..it kills. I'd rather have myself severed by a shark.
Its funny how i'm thinking about Mom all of a sudden. i just made tea for her and she gave me a tight hug..said thankyou..well she really meant it..and just a couple of days back..i bitched about her on my previous post..but then again, life's like that yea?

i cant believe i forgot it's my friend's birthday today..the same friend..who about a couple of years back gave me my ticket to a differnt kind of life altogether...the kind with surprise visits and booze parties and skewed guy to girl ratios. Ah well, Happy Birthday sweetcheeks =D

"Fine" i tell my head, its time to get back to PR alright. Expect another coming soon, the volcano's still awake..took a lil breather that's all.

Till then....:)

No one knew...

...when she cried
when the bud of innocence was so blatantly plucked...trampled to nothingness..did she weep herself to bed? oh yes she did..did she complain? did anybody even care to hear her out? left alone to grow in her misery...a feeling of abandonment amongst people she called "her own"...she cried..oh yes she did...

No one to placate her sorrow..no one to confide in..no one to mollify the pain..she lay on her bed...a feeling of worthlesness...a looming heart...and then she cried...

"why me" she asked..looking up to the chipping ceiling of her room...the room that knew everything that happened within its walls...the room that provided her solace...but also reminded her of those tumultuous nights...the nights she wept silently in her bed...while someone was sporting and evil grin...lust in his eyes...no feeling of guilt...and she cried...

does she deserve this? was she hand-picked by Him to suffer like this? where did she go wrong...she was only 13...girlie-chatting over the phone..blushing at the sight of boys she considered "cute"...mall-crashing...sleepovers every weekend...and then...she was back at home...back to her share of desolation...a melancholy tune she hummed...

And then...shutting her moist eyes..withdrawing herself from this wretchedness...she silently cried.


Some statistics:
http://www.jimhopper.com/abstats/

Songs written on sexual abuse...my personal favorites..
Anna Lee by Dream Theater
Bringer of Torture, by Kreator
Daddy's Girl, by Scorpions
Dont let Daddy Kiss me, by Motorhead
Tier by Rammstein
Long way to Happy, by Pink
Family Tree, by Megadeth

Am I ?

Where do I even start?! it's everywhere, pretty much like that annoying virus that's been popping up on everyone's IM screens off late.

Just the other day, i was in my college bus, travelling back from Dubai, squabbling over things like what radio station to play and which gas station to syop at. There's this girl, wouldn't mention her name here, immoral racist remarks will follow due to my utter hatred towards her (yes, i dont like her too much). She's literally singing away to glory in her mother tongue, which, mind you, i took no offence to. And she continues singing. Next thing i know, this semi-stud walks into the bus. He's of a different ethnicity. She adores him secretly. Very conveniently, she defenstrates the song, and all of a sudden, starts cussing the language!
Too much to take, i give her my usual cold stare, boy she gets pised or what! and HOW! she tells me to mind my own "business", majority of which would include giving here the "stare" anyway!

Yeah, i know i'm coming across as this total b***h to most. but hey, lets get to the point already. Where'd all the love for your mother tongue go, out of the window at the sight of a man! Just a while ago, she was fighting with the driver to keep a particular radio station on, because it was in her language, and proudly she danced away to its tunes. The next thing i see, she's yelling at the driver for tuning onto "such cheap radio stations"!

And i'm like OKAY. Time to give her a piece of my mind. I walk upto her, manage to find myself a seat beside her (God help me calm my fury!) and talk. Yeah, no shouting, no abusing. I talk to her, ask her what really happened a lil while ago.

Out came words that hit me like a truck doing a 200! She's embarassed of being (her ethnicity)!! EMBARASSED?! Is there a need to be? Like who even decided what cultures are "happening" and which ones are "outdated"! All the hatred (very strong word, lighten it a lil) that i had for her broke into little bits and shot out at her like flying daggers. After getting myself back together, i told her to think about what she just said. She was upset too, and for a moment i actually empathized with her. However, moments gone, and i'm back to my b***hy self. And then, i think. Why do we have to be embarassed. Drat, the world cannot judge who's staying and who's going! Whack, on her head, and off i went, to preach to the rest of the bus. People actually agreed with me on many points, but couldn't get to nod heads with me on the fact that we were god enough, if not better, than our Western folks! This level of inferiority complex freaked me out. It's like inbuilt in our sysytems now, this feeling of lowness and hopelessness. It kills to know how many people feel like that. I've heard people saying things like "i wish i was white". Who even made them superior to us? We must not forget, that our culture and heritage is rooted way stronger than these melanin-less droids who want to take over the world.

It's really funny and scary at the same time, how people associate being WHITE to intelligence and superiority. This is a link to how wrong we actually got them!http://www.romankoch.ch/lachhaft/stupidamericans.htm

Just before i end it here, I want to make something clear. This isn't a ptriotic site or Anti-White at all! It's just sort of a motivational feed to all who think we're inferior in any way!
Come on now, wear your Pride Cape and kick some @$$ =D

living?

yeah..so we're living alright. REALLY ? i mean..is this what you call living? i was like shipped back to this dreary desert all the way from India in the peak of my teenage years..not cool..n then...i'm treated like i'm in school..fuck even worse! we're transported to "college" everyday in a damn bus...just that we dont have fixed seats..thats a wonder.
and then coming back home is a different story...you get back all sick and tired from the humiliatingly long journey..till you find out that you're not done as yet. sit with mom, tell her what happened at college, go through embarassing and freaky(sometimes) cell-check sessions...and what more..get interrogated on every SMS!
parallel phone lines, balance limits, funny stares at the sound of anything masculine..well life's just beginning to roll ainit?
ah well, if that's what life is, i'm sure as hell living it to the fullest! but seriously, do i not have the right to demand a better one! what makes folks think they own us? well they did give birth to us, but hey, we never asked them to! it was just a moment of sheer passion and emotion that led to this accident they named "melissa" :S
and yeah..i totally forgot to mention the "our generation" bull! parents somehow, froze into the same time period and fail to undertand that we've moved on! one thing i always hear from my mom, its almost a greeting in my house (much to the likes of "good morning")...it goes this way " we never demanded for cellphones and laptops when we were your age" ah someone remind them, they were deprived of such technological advancementts in their so-called "generation" !!
now i'm starting to realise, maybe i do have a bit of life not sucked out of me as yet :P
okay, im beginning to get irritated with my own constant whines and grief. So i'm gonna stop here and tell me how your lives are any different from mine!

Just for kicks though, i'd like to debate on it! for now, i shall go back to what i was doing earlier, listening to Dido... one of the few pleasures i treat myself to =D

RE-START

Oh well, i'm back.
Not that i went anywhere..or decided to hermit-ify myself, but you know how it is. Had a blog runing for almost 2 years when suddenly one day, i thought of taking a little break...and HOW! i delete my account from blogspot, get back to reading books and trying to figure out what's happening within the pink walls of my classroom( serious!) and after a few months i forget to get another account. yes, you're wondering why i'd do something as stupid as that, as a matter of fact, i'm thinking pretty much in the same line *hi fi*
so yeah, blogs gone. And then happens the mother of all screw-ups. format my pc and whoosh..everyting's gone! like it never existed. And they say the computer is safe? and that it is more reliable than the brain? i think NOT!
so i shall get back to my not-so-regular but worthy updates soon enough, get my blogs rolling and await comments from my fellow-bloggers.
till then...=)